In response to the recent news coming out of Indiana’s “Religious Freedom Law”, I have decided to brainstorm what it might look like if LGBTQ folks also decided to discriminate against people they deem “religious”.

Some of this brainstorming might be deemed stereotypical (and thus maybe offensive) but my intention is to make a point. So here’s my stab at it.

Let’s just walk through a made-up day in the life of an average American. Perhaps that man, let’s call him “Bill”, heads out the door for coffee. Well, Bill, I suggest you avoid Starbucks, as they are an inclusive, non-discriminatory institution, and a gay person might be your barista and thus unwilling to serve you. So after being rejected at Starbucks, maybe you go to a McDonald’s drive through for a coffee (and hope that the person taking the order is straight, or you’ll have to keep searching for your morning pick-me-up).

OK, so you’ve made it past this first obstacle, and it’s now just after 7:00am. I imagine you don’t work for a gay individual (could you imagine?), so I’ll give you a pass until lunch time. You were going to run and get a quick haircut at lunch, but the hairdresser refuses to cut your hair. Damn, another swing and another miss.

So back to work. The time ticks by slowly, and while staring at the clock, you realize you have to be home early to meet the interior designer at your home before parent-teacher conferences. But crap! There we go again, he wont work with you, either! Bummer, Bill. Major bummer. I guess you and your wife will have to figure out how to make your home attractive without the help of a professional.

Oh, and your wife had asked you to stop by J-Crew and exchange the pants she got, but crap, not a single employee there will work with you. I guess you’re stuck with pants that won’t fit anyone in your home. Who cares that they cost $200, you can’t return them! Why? Because the gay guy in charge says so! You just can’t seem to catch a break today, Bill.

OK, so you’ve tried to run your errands, despite being tired and cranky, and now you have to go to your daughter’s parent/teacher conference. But wait, your daughter, who is failing math, told you last week that her math teacher is gay. I guess that means he can choose to refuse to tell you what’s going on in the class, let alone to help her. Why? How is this fair, you ask? Well, because as gay man, he gets to say he won’t work with religious people… Man you’re low on luck today, Bill.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Just avoid: fashion, stylists, interior designers, women at Home Depot, gym teachers, music teachers, female law enforcement, bartenders, bakers, lifeguards, strippers, any pornography, females in the military, chefs, theater, Broadway, vegan restaurants, and people in the health industry.